Goodbye, Birth Control.
How getting off etonogestrel saved my life.
Six months before my wedding, I went to the doctor to get a prescription for birth control. Having set boundaries with myself and those whom I dated in the past, the necessity of hormonal prophylaxis was never something on my horizon until my wedding night; however, since I quickly developed mild anaphylactic reactions to something as simple as a change in laundry detergent, I decided giving myself half a year to become acclimated to whatever effect birth control would have.
Life on birth control is, as my husband aptly described, like going from a three-dimensional being down to two-dimensional (maybe even one, depending on the day). My drive, interests, hobbies, passion… almost every aspect of my life was subdued or muted entirely. What should have been a joyous time of desire and passion in the early days of our marriage turned into self-loathing, frustration and confusion. Thinking hormonal birth control wouldn’t affect me all that much, I assumed this is what marriage was like; that regardless of how sweetly or patiently my husband pursued me, I still felt overwhelmed. He never approached me in anything but gentleness and love, but inside my desire for him was numbed. When he would kindly say that he loved me and loved my body, it made me feel unclean or not good enough. He stood beside me and loved…
